I hate myself, wish I'd die.

Peter Steele, the giant, brooding, hilarious and instantly recognizable voice of Type O Negative died this week due to apparent heart failure. To most, including myself, its incredibly sad news but not a total surprise. He had been struggling with a cocaine addiction, as well an alcohol problem. He spoke about his addictions candidly, and was even more frank when addressing them in his music. Songs like "White Slavery" from 1999's "World Coming Down", he wittily warns people about the reality of drug addiction:

Let me say Pepsi generation

A few lines of misinformation

Watch your money flow away oh so quick

To kill yourself properly coke is it

Steele was a clever lyricist with his tongue always firmly planted in his cheek. He also wrote much about death, dying, hating himself and all kinds of self-deprecation but usually was very droll about it,which was incredibly engaging and interesting. Not to mention that he also had arguably the most recognizable voice in hard rock music, as well as being a six foot seven giant with shoulders you could place the moon on. As a listener I was forced to pay attention.

I still remember the first time I heard Type O Negative. I was in Denver for a summer staying with family when I was 13 years old. My aunt had a very cool CD collection, and while going through it one night I came across "October Rust." I had read about them in music magazines, but this was before music file sharing or YouTube, so I was never able to check them out. I popped it in the stereo, and heard nothing but a faint buzzing coming from the speakers. I checked the volume, looked behind the speakers to see if everything was hooked up. Everything was good. I stood there puzzled. But then a strong chuckle came from the speakers, followed by a very deep, thick new yorker voice saying "I hope you enjoyed our little joke dere, this is Peter." I thought it was perfect. Heres a band with songs on this very album titled "Die With Me" and "Haunted" and they introduce it with a prank. Totally sarcastic and contradictory to their dark persona. Right up my alley. (They subsequently began their next album, the very serious and morbid "World Coming Down" with a similar prank. This time, the first track on the album skips for ten seconds followed by guitarist Kenny Hickey yelling "SUCKER!")

The first song on "October Rust" really did it though. "Love You To Death", perhaps their best song, is a beautiful, strong and melodic tune that I would show first to anybody who isn't acquainted with Type O Negative. From the very first note I was hooked.

Type O also performed one of the top five sets I've seen a band do. They opened for Cradle Of Filth in 2003, and during CoF's set, the guys from the band came out and toilet papered the entire stage. It was fantastic considering how serious CoF takes their image of being dark and evil. Again, their sense of humor is one of the biggest reasons I love this band so much.

Peter's death is a bummer, but as he so derisively put it when he told a reporter in Type O Negative's DVD "After Dark":

"I am very happy."

"Why?"

"Because I know some day I will die."

And even as sick and gloomy as that statement is, I can't help but smile at the morbidity. Only Peter Steele.